Married, With Sibling
by S J Smith
Summary: Drunkenness leads to many bad things. Like marriage.


**Title:** Married, With Sibling

**Author:** S J Smith

**Rating:** Teen

**Summary:** Drunkenness leads to badness. Like marriage.

**Disclaimer:** If I had any part of this, I wouldn't wonder if I can pay my bills this month.

**Notes: ** Written for the LJ Community, Comment_Fic.

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"How the hell did this happen?" Edward Elric all but yelled.

His little brother, Alphonse, winced, lightly touching his throbbing temple. "Softer, Brother, please!"

"Oh, no, this is some sort of tribute to someone's fucking stupidity!" Edward roared.

"Fullmetal," Roy Mustang said, his eyes narrowing, "Please refrain from screaming, and I will refrain from using flame alchemy to toast your eyebrows."

Edward wasn't cowed by the glare his former commander threw at him, nor even the threat itself. He sneered in response. "So, you got my little brother stinking drunk, and you two wound up in a wedding tribute and - and _married_?" He pointed a trembling finger at a photograph of Alphonse and Mustang, wrapped in each other's arms, _kissing._

Alphonse whined at the volume of Edward's voice, burying his head under his pillow. "Ed, stop it. You're making my ears bleed! Ow!"

"Besides, it's not like Alphonse and I had any sexual relations last night," Mustang was saying, making Edward wish he still had his automail arm to slug the bastard. "Did we, Alphonse?" Alphonse groaned in response. "You see, Edward? Your brother's innocence remains unbreeched."

Edward curled his lip. "Who even talks like that? And why the hell are you even in his bedroom?"

Smirking, Mustang said, "Well, we did get married last night."

"Needs to be annulled, right now!" Edward barked, grabbing the bastard by the ankle and hauling him out from under the covers. "Gah! You're naked! No one wants to see that!"

"I beg to disagree, Fullmetal," Mustang said, his smile broadening. "There are plenty of women – and men – who find my form pleasing."

Edward turned his head, nearly spitting. "Al, get your head out from under that pillow and out of that bed, before someone besides me sees you like this. Get dressed, both of you, so you can go get this annulled!"

"Softer, Brother, please," Alphonse whimpered, though he crawled out of the bedding. Edward was pleased to note his brother, at least, was wearing skivvies. "Can't you get me some aspirin and some water? Please?" He turned pitiful eyes to Edward, who couldn't stay stern under that expression.

"Fine," he grumped, and stomped out of the room, deliberately leaving the door open. "Someone better be dressed by the time I get back!" he shouted at them both.

Alphonse winced, wiping his damp forehead on the bed sheet. "I need a volume knob for him sometimes."

"You are an alchemist, surely you can design one and transmute it onto him," Roy said, slumping now that Edward was gone. "Why is he so angry, anyway?"

"Oh, Ed's probably pissed we got married before he could work up the nerve to even ask Winry for her hand." Alphonse grinned weakly. "Even if this is going to get annulled, it's going to eat at him."

"In that case, I think we shouldn't get it annulled immediately," Roy's smirk was absolutely evil. "Let him stew in his own failures for a day or so. Maybe it'll force his hand regarding Miss Rockbell."

"That's cruel." Alphonse thought about it, answering Roy's grin with one of his own, equally as wicked. "Yeah, let's do it." As they shook on it, he said, "Roy Mustang, you're definitely a bad influence on me."

Roy scoffed. "Whose idea was it to get married last night? Who said, 'It'll drive Ed crazy'?"

"I was right, wasn't I?" Flinging back the covers, Alphonse slid under them again. "C'mon, get back in bed. He'll be even more pissed we're not dressed and ready to go when he comes back."

Climbing back into the bed, Roy sighed at all the previous lost opportunities. "Why didn't we team up before, Alphonse?"

"Because it's a lot more fun, now," Alphonse grinned, rolling onto his side to face Mustang.

Roy couldn't resist, leaning over to kiss Alphonse. "You're certainly right about that." He kissed Alphonse again. "How long do you think your brother will be gone?"

Alphonse pushed him away. "Not nearly long enough for that, Roy."

"Too bad." He sighed. "Later, then?"

"We'll see." Alphonse rubbed his temples again. "I may have a headache from all of Brother's screaming."

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~ end ~


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